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Ok, I admit it… I am a mess without my family. I seriously have missed Kinsey and Cason like crazy. Luckily, I did have some stuff to get done since the new Chavez spawn will be coming out to play in about two months. So I have been working hard with putting things together. Dresser is set, shelves are set, and yesterday’s project was the crib. Technically, it is put together, but for some reason, I decided I could put it together without any instructions. We got the crib from our friends, so the directions to put it together did not come along with it. Could I have looked the crib model and brand up on the internet to get the directions to put it together? Yes. Did I? No. So did I screw up putting the crib together? Yes. Did I notice right away? That’s a tricky question, because I did notice right away after I thought I had finished.

So, as you may have guessed, I had to start over. I was frustrated, sweating, angry, and all sorts of other emotions… and then someone knocked on the door. I could see that it was a short older lady. Maybe she lived close by and needed some milk, or sugar. So I answered. I could have easily just hid out in the room and continued building the crib, but I needed a break. I cracked the door and said hello. There stood a lady, about mid 60′s/early 70′s, about 5’2, short silver hair, glasses, and holding a bible. I knew where this was headed. It was hot outside, and the lady said, “Hi young man, can I ask you something?” I said she could, so she continued, “can you go put a shirt on?” I am sweating, it’s hot, and I am trying to put furniture together… why would I want to do that? Also, it’s my house, I can walk around naked if I want. Right?! That’s what was happening in my head. I politely put my body behind the door, and said, “is this better?” She said, “no… I need to come in. It’s hot outside.” So I asked her what her visit was about, knowing that the bible in her hand had something to do with it. So she asked me if she could come in and talk about religion with me. Ok, this is awkward. Why is this older woman, walking around my neighborhood, when it is pretty hot out, and trying to enter random homes. That’s kinda dangerous, right?

I was trying to be polite and tell her I was busy, but she pushed on. She told me I really needed to listen to what she had to say… but she was getting a little pushy about it, and I kept nicely trying to say “no, thank you.” She didn’t hear/ignored my “no thank you”, because she said, “I thought I told you to go put a shirt on? I can’t come in unless you do that for me.” Ok, now she was confusing me, because now she is “telling” me to go put a shirt on, and apparently, I have invited her in. So I lied to her. I told her that I didn’t have time to have bible story in my house because I had to go pick up my wife from the airport. It worked. Kind of. She told me to go do that, and that she would come back in two and a half hours.

At least I got rid of her. I went back inside, and got back to work. Two and a half hours later, there was another knock at the door. Yup, the lady came back. I didn’t want to answer. Problem: both cars were still in the driveway, and the lady was just standing there. She was not budging, she waited uncomfortably long. To the point that I ended up calling Kinsey and telling her that this old lady was making me feel bad about myself. Kinsey told me to open and just tell her no thank you, but I already dealt with this lady. She only hears what she wants to hear. I told her I would wait it out, and that is exactly what I did. How long did this old lady wait at the front door? For about 10 minutes. No joke. She would knock, stand there for thirty second or so, look around, do the weird head thing, where we pretend like we can see around the door, and then knock again. For 10 minutes. She finally left, and maybe she stayed for 10 minutes because Jesus was telling her I was inside… or because the two cars in the driveway scream, “this dude is still home.”

I will keep you posted on the bible lady stalker. Hopefully she doesn’t come back for another awkward interaction.